A child under two settles into nursery mainly by building a relationship with one or two caregivers and by finding familiar rhythms in the day, not by understanding an explanation. That is why the most helpful approach is a slow, parent-supported start over two to three weeks, a consistent main caregiver, and nap and feeding routines that stay as close as possible to what the child knows at home.
Many families moving to Ho Chi Minh City have children at exactly this age, and preschools in the city often accept children from around their first birthday. This guide explains why under-twos settle differently from older preschoolers, sets out a gradual-entry plan, covers sleep, milk and food, describes the signals a pre-verbal child gives when coping or struggling, and helps you think about timing.
Why under-twos settle differently
With a four-year-old, a parent can describe the day, promise a reunion after nap and talk about it again at bedtime. With a fourteen-month-old, words carry very little of that weight. The child learns about nursery through direct experience: who picks them up when they cry, whether the room feels predictable, whether a familiar adult reappears. Settling is therefore built entirely through repetition.
Under-twos are also at an age when wariness of unfamiliar people is often strong. Many babies become cautious with strangers in the second half of their first year, and the second year frequently brings intense attachment to the main caregivers. A child of this age may be perfectly sociable at a café with a parent present and then distraught in the same parent's absence.
There are physical factors too. Children under two nap more, need to eat more often and are still developing their ability to regulate their own emotions. When they are tired or hungry, coping with separation becomes much harder. A schedule that suits a five-year-old can overwhelm a toddler, which is why many nursery settings use a gentler, more individual approach for their youngest children.
Finally, under-twos live very much in the present. A toddler who is upset at the goodbye is not thinking about the afternoon; they are experiencing the loss right now. That is why comfort in the moment, from an adult who is already familiar, does far more for a child of this age than any reassurance about later.
The relationship that matters most
For very young children, the quality of the bond with a main caregiver at nursery is central. In British early years settings this is formalised as the key person approach: each child has a named adult who settles them in, knows their routines and is the first person to comfort them. The idea draws on attachment research going back to John Bowlby, and was developed for nurseries in particular by Elinor Goldschmied and Peter Elfer.
The international Nurturing Care Framework published in 2018 by the World Health Organization, UNICEF and the World Bank also places responsive caregiving at the heart of early development: adults who notice a young child's signals and respond to them promptly and warmly. In a nursery, that responsiveness depends on a caregiver who knows the child well enough to read those signals.
In practical terms, ask the campus who will be your child's main caregiver during settling in, and whether that person will be present at the key moments of drop-off, feeding and sleep. Spend the parent-present days helping your child get to know that adult in particular. When your child accepts comfort from that person, real settling has begun.
A gradual-entry plan for under-twos
The plan below is a common shape for a parent-supported start, loosely following models such as the Berlin approach. Your campus will have its own schedule; use this to understand the logic and discuss timing with the teachers.
| Phase | Parent's role | Child's time at nursery | What the phase is for |
|---|---|---|---|
| Days 1–3 | Stays in the room as a quiet base, does not lead play or leave | About an hour, same time each day | Child explores with the parent nearby; caregiver makes gentle contact |
| Day 4 or so | Says goodbye clearly, leaves the room for a short time, stays nearby | Separation of a few minutes up to half an hour, depending on reaction | First experience that the parent leaves and returns |
| Following days | Separations lengthen step by step; still collects before the child is exhausted | Gradually longer, adding a meal and then a nap | Child learns the routine with the caregiver |
| Weeks 2–3 | Normal drop-off and pick-up; stays reachable by phone | Building towards the planned day length | Routine becomes familiar; child seeks comfort from caregiver |
The pace depends on the child. If the first separation goes badly, the usual advice is to return to shorter separations for a few days rather than pushing on. Avoid planning the first separation on a Monday after a weekend, or the day after a late night.
Plan for the fact that nap is usually the last part of the day to settle. Some toddlers manage the morning comfortably within a week but need two or three more before they will sleep at nursery without a long struggle.
Bringing home rhythms into the nursery
Sleep. Tell the caregivers exactly how your child falls asleep: patted, rocked, with a bottle, with a dummy, in a dark corner, with a particular blanket. Nurseries cannot recreate home, but they can borrow parts of it. A sleep bag or blanket that smells of home often helps.
Milk. If your child still drinks breast milk or formula during the day, ask about the nursery's arrangements for storing and giving it, labelling bottles or cups, and the timing of feeds. If you are planning to reduce feeds, try not to make that change in the same weeks as starting nursery.
Food. Under-twos are often still getting used to textures. Describe what your child eats and how: purées, soft pieces, finger food, rice dishes. Vietnamese nursery meals commonly include rice porridge and soft soups, which many toddlers accept well.
Comfort habits. A dummy, a thumb, a favourite cloth: these are tools your child uses to manage stress. Settling in is not the moment to remove them.
Nappies and changing. Explain any skin sensitivity, preferred products and signs that your child is uncomfortable. Mention whether your child dislikes lying down to be changed, which is common in active toddlers, and how you handle it at home.
Timing of the day. If your child's day at home has a clear shape, such as a morning nap, milk on waking or a mid-morning snack, share it. Nurseries usually follow a group timetable, but caregivers can often fit a new child's needs around it during the first weeks.
Signals from a pre-verbal child
Children under two cannot tell you how the day went, but their behaviour gives a lot of information. Encouraging signals include:
- Reaching for or looking for the main caregiver at drop-off, even while still protesting.
- Accepting being held, fed or changed by the caregiver without strong resistance.
- Exploring toys and the room for short stretches, then checking back with an adult.
- Sleeping at least a little at nursery after the first week or two.
- Recovering well at home after a short period of clinginess in the evening.
Signals that suggest the pace is too fast include crying that cannot be soothed by anyone for long periods, refusing all food and milk at nursery for several days, becoming very withdrawn and unresponsive, or sleep at home deteriorating sharply. When you see these, discuss slowing down with the caregivers. A step back for a few days often moves things forward overall.
Expect a little clinginess at home in the evenings, especially in the first fortnight. A child who has spent energy coping all day often wants to be held close at night, and this usually passes as the nursery becomes familiar.
Illness in the first months
Parents of under-twos starting group care are often surprised by how often their child gets sick. Young children's immune systems meet many new viruses in group settings, and coughs, colds, stomach bugs and fevers are common in the first months. This is widely recognised by paediatricians and usually becomes less frequent over time.
Illness interacts with settling in. A child who has been home for a week with a fever often needs a few days of re-settling, and a child who feels slightly unwell will protest more at the goodbye. Teething, which often overlaps with this age, can have the same effect on mood and sleep. Plan for this in your work schedule and your expectations: a first term with several interruptions is entirely normal.
Ask the campus about its policy on when children should stay home, such as with fever or vomiting, and follow it, both for your child and for the other children in the room. Questions about vaccinations, tropical illnesses and when to see a doctor are best taken to your paediatrician, who can advise on your child's specific needs in Ho Chi Minh City.
Choosing the right moment to start
If you can choose your start date, think about what else is happening in your child's life. Starting nursery in the same weeks as a house move, a new baby's arrival, weaning or a parent returning to work after a long leave stacks several large changes together. Each of them is manageable on its own; together they can make settling much harder.
Families relocating internationally often have little choice. In that case, aim to create as much stability as possible around the nursery start: the same caregiver at home in the evenings, consistent bedtimes, and a weekend routine that is quiet and predictable. Delaying the start by a week or two to let the move settle can be worth it.
Think too about the length of the planned day. A toddler who will eventually attend a full day might begin with mornings only for several weeks. If your work situation allows, a gradual increase in hours is easier than an abrupt switch from home to a long day in a new language.
What parents of under-twos often worry about
Parents of very young children frequently worry that the child will forget them, love the caregiver more or be harmed by the separation. Research on early childcare is large and nuanced, and the quality of care, the hours involved and the child's home relationships all play a part. What is well established is that a child's attachment to their parents does not disappear because they also form a bond with a caregiver. Children can and do have several important relationships at once.
Another common worry is that the child will not be able to say if something is wrong. This is a real limitation at this age, which is why communication with the caregivers matters so much. Ask how the nursery records feeds, sleep and nappy changes, and how you will be told about anything unusual. Regular, specific information is reassuring and helps you notice patterns.
Finally, many parents feel judged, either for using nursery at this age or for worrying. Neither feeling helps. A well planned start, a responsive caregiver and an attentive parent at home are a sound foundation, whatever the child's age.
Câu hỏi thường gặp
Is twelve months too young to start nursery?
Children start group care at many ages, and there is no single right one. What matters most is the quality of care, a gradual start, a consistent main caregiver and a manageable length of day. If you have flexibility, think about what else is changing in your child's life and choose a calmer period to begin.
Should I stay for the whole first week?
Many gradual-entry approaches have a parent present for the first few days without leaving, followed by short separations. Ask the campus how they structure this for children under two. If you stay, let the caregiver make contact with your child and act as a quiet base rather than leading play.
My toddler refuses the bottle at nursery. What can we do?
This is common in the first days, when the child links feeding closely with the parent. Share how your child usually feeds, send a familiar bottle or cup and ask whether the caregiver can offer milk in a quiet spot. If refusal continues for several days or your child seems dehydrated, speak with your paediatrician.
Will my child's sleep at home get worse?
Some disruption is common in the first weeks, including more night waking or earlier tiredness. Keeping bedtime routines consistent and putting your child to bed earlier often helps. If sleep problems persist well beyond the settling period, mention it to your paediatrician.
Can a toddler settle without any shared language with the caregivers?
Yes. Under-twos communicate mainly through tone, touch, routines and facial expressions, and caregivers rely on these too. Sharing your child's sounds for milk, sleep and a comfort object helps, but the relationship is built mostly without words at this age.
How do I know the caregiver is the right person for my child?
Watch how they respond during the parent-present days. A good caregiver notices your child's signals, approaches calmly, does not force contact and comforts warmly. Over the first weeks, your child should increasingly accept comfort from them. Discuss any concerns early with the campus team.