Most young children learn the daily routine of a new preschool within two to six weeks, and many stop crying at drop-off somewhere in that window. Feeling truly at home with the teachers usually takes a little longer, often two to three months, and understanding the classroom languages well enough to join in freely can take most of a school year. For an international child entering a Vietnamese–English bilingual class, all three of these processes run at the same time, which is why the first weeks can look calm one day and stormy the next.
This guide breaks settling in into those separate clocks, shows what a typical first six weeks tends to look like, and explains what speeds the process up or slows it down. It also covers the gradual-entry approaches many preschools use, so you can ask your campus which one they follow and plan your work calendar around it rather than hoping for the best.
Three clocks run at once: routine, relationships and language
When parents ask how long settling in takes, they usually mean “when will my child stop crying at the gate”. That is only one of the things happening. It helps to picture three clocks that start on the same morning but move at different speeds.
The routine clock is the fastest. Young children are excellent pattern learners. Within a couple of weeks most of them know that shoes go on the rack, circle time comes before snack, lunch is followed by a nap and a parent appears after the afternoon play. Predictability is calming in itself, so as the routine clock ticks forward, mornings often get easier even before the child has formed close bonds.
The relationship clock is slower. A child needs to experience, many times over, that a particular adult notices when they are upset and helps. Attachment researchers since John Bowlby have described how young children use a trusted adult as a secure base from which to explore. At home that base is you; at preschool it has to be built, and that takes repetition rather than days on a calendar.
The language clock is the slowest, and it is the one that sets international children apart. A child who arrives speaking Korean, French or Hindi has to make sense of a room where Vietnamese and English are both in use. Understanding usually runs well ahead of speaking, and many children go through a quiet phase first. The language clock does not need to finish before a child is settled, but it explains why some children seem content yet still reserved for months.
A typical first six weeks, and what helps at each stage
No child follows a script, and the pattern below is a composite of what teachers and parents commonly describe rather than a standard. Use it to recognise where your child is, not to grade them.
| Period | What often happens | What tends to help |
|---|---|---|
| Days 1–3 | Curiosity, sometimes excitement; child may be happy because a parent is still nearby or because everything is new | Short days, a parent present or close by, the same arrival time each day |
| Days 4–10 | The novelty wears off; tears at drop-off often appear or get louder, even in children who were cheerful at first | A short, consistent goodbye; no sneaking out; slightly longer days only if the teacher agrees |
| Weeks 2–3 | Child begins to anticipate routines; may attach to one teacher; tiredness and clinginess at home are common | Earlier bedtimes, calm afternoons, the same adult doing drop-off where possible |
| Weeks 3–4 | Drop-off crying shortens to a minute or two; child joins some activities; may still eat or nap poorly | Asking teachers which moments of the day are still hard and targeting those |
| Weeks 5–6 | Many children walk in with little protest; a minority still struggle, often after weekends or illness | Keeping attendance regular; planning for wobbles after breaks |
A common surprise is the “second-week dip”. Parents relax after a smooth first few days and then face a child who clings to the door frame. This is usually a sign that the child has understood that preschool is a regular arrangement, not a one-off outing. It is a step forward, even if it does not feel like one.
What makes the timeline longer or shorter
Age. Children under two tend to need the most gradual start because they cannot be told what is happening in a way they understand. Three- and four-year-olds can follow a simple story about the day, but they also notice more and may protest more loudly. Five-year-olds often settle faster into the routine and slower into friendships.
How many changes are stacked together. A family that has moved country, moved house, changed carers and started preschool in the same month is asking a lot of a small child. Each change uses up some of the child's capacity to cope. If you can, let the move settle for a week or two before preschool starts, or start preschool before a house move rather than in the same week.
Previous experience of group care. A child who attended a nursery abroad already knows that parents leave and come back. That knowledge transfers, even if the language and food are new.
Temperament. Some children are slow to warm up in any new setting; others dive in. Neither is better. Slow-to-warm-up children usually settle well when they are given time and are not pushed to perform.
Regular attendance. Children who attend on a predictable pattern settle faster than those who come on scattered days. Two days in, three days off, then a week away restarts part of the process each time.
Illness. Group care brings new infections, and a week at home sick often means a few days of re-settling afterwards. This is normal and does not mean you have gone back to square one.
Gradual entry: the settling-in models schools use
Many preschools around the world use some form of gradual entry, where the child's time at school starts short and grows, and a parent stays at first. One of the best documented approaches is the Berlin settling-in model, developed in Germany by the INFANS institute. In outline, a parent stays with the child in the room for the first few days without leaving, acting as a quiet safe base while one educator gradually makes contact. Only after this basic phase does the parent try a brief separation, and the length of later separations depends on how the child reacts. The whole process often runs over two to three weeks.
Other approaches place more weight on the peer group, or on a single key teacher who takes primary responsibility for a child during the first weeks, as in the key person approach used widely in British early years settings. What these models share is the idea that settling is something done with the child, step by step, rather than a single first day.
Preschools in Ho Chi Minh City vary in how they handle this, and practice can differ between campuses of the same school. Ask the admissions or campus team before your start date how long the first days will be, whether a parent can stay in or near the room, and who will be your child's main teacher. Those three answers tell you more about the coming weeks than any brochure.
Signs that your child is settling
Look for a cluster of these over a week or two rather than a single good morning:
- The crying at drop-off becomes shorter, and teachers report that your child calms within a few minutes.
- Your child mentions a teacher's name, a classmate or an activity at home, even in a few words or in their home language.
- They begin to anticipate parts of the routine, for example heading to the shoe rack or asking for the song that ends circle time.
- They accept comfort from a teacher when upset, instead of only waiting for you.
- Appetite and sleep at school start to recover, even if they are not yet what they are at home.
- They play at home with themes from school: pretend naps, lining up toys, singing a fragment of a classroom song.
- At pick-up they are absorbed in what they are doing and take a moment to notice you, which can sting a little but is a good sign.
None of these needs to be perfect. A child can still protest at the gate every morning and be well settled for the remaining eight hours of the day.
Settled does not mean there will be no more tears
It is tempting to treat the end of crying as the finish line. Research suggests the picture is more nuanced. A study published in Child Development in 2004, led by Lieselotte Ahnert with Megan Gunnar and colleagues, measured stress hormone levels in toddlers entering childcare in Berlin. Levels rose during the first weeks after parents began leaving, and stayed above home levels for some time, including in children who no longer cried visibly. Children whose mothers took part in a gentle, parent-present start, and who had secure relationships at home, coped better in the early days.
The practical message is twofold. First, a quiet child is not automatically a relaxed child, so the early weeks deserve gentleness even when they look smooth. Second, tears do not mean the arrangement is failing. Protest is a healthy way for a young child to signal that something matters.
Expect wobbles at predictable times: Monday mornings, the first day back after a long holiday such as Tết, after a week of illness, when a favourite teacher is away, or when something changes at home. These dips are usually short and shrink with each repetition.
When settling in stretches past six weeks
A minority of children are still finding the mornings hard after six weeks, and that is not in itself a cause for alarm. Children who arrive in the middle of a school year, who have had several illnesses in a row, or whose families are still living out of suitcases often need longer. So do children who are naturally cautious and who watch for a long time before they join in.
The useful question at this point is not “why is my child still crying” but “which part of the day is still hard”. If the difficulty is limited to the goodbye and the teachers describe a child who plays and eats once the door closes, the routine clock has done its work and the relationship clock simply needs more time. If the teachers describe a child who is withdrawn for most of the day, refuses food and does not sleep, it is worth sitting down with them to look at what could change, such as shorter days for a while, an earlier pick-up or a more consistent drop-off.
Keep a simple note at home of good and hard mornings for two weeks. Patterns appear quickly on paper that are invisible from memory, for example that the hard days are always the ones after a late bedtime, or the ones when a different adult does drop-off.
Planning your own calendar around settling in
Parents in a new city often have work starting at the same time as preschool. A little planning prevents a rushed start that drags on for longer than it needed to:
- Ask the campus for the planned settling-in schedule in writing: how many days, how long each day, and when a full day is expected.
- Block at least the first week, ideally two, with flexible work hours or leave for one parent, so that you can stay when needed and collect early without stress.
- Avoid starting the week before a long school break if you can choose; starting, pausing and restarting is harder than one continuous run.
- Keep the drop-off person and time the same for the first month wherever possible, including for families who use a driver or a helper.
- Schedule a short check-in with the main teacher at the end of week two and again around week five, to compare notes on what is going well and what is still hard.
- Keep weekends gentle in the first month. New outings, late nights and visitors all draw on the same reserve your child is using to cope with school.
Câu hỏi thường gặp
Is it normal for my child to be happy on the first day and cry from the second week?
Yes, this is one of the most common patterns. On the first days many children treat preschool as an interesting outing, often with a parent close by. Once they realise it happens every day and that you leave, protest tends to appear. It usually eases again within a few weeks if the routine stays consistent.
Should my child start with full days to get used to it faster?
Most early childhood practice favours a gradual start, with short days that lengthen as the child copes. Full days from the first morning can work for some older children with previous group care experience, but for under-threes in particular a stepped start tends to be gentler. Ask your campus what it recommends for your child's age.
Does a child who already attended nursery abroad need a settling-in period?
Usually yes, though it is often shorter. The child already knows that parents leave and return, which helps a lot. The new teachers, languages, food and building still need time, and a few days of gradual entry let the teachers learn your child's cues before full days begin.
How many days a week should my child attend during the first month?
Regular attendance on a predictable pattern helps most, whether that is three days or five. Scattered days with long gaps in between tend to stretch the process because the child partly starts again each time. If you plan part-time attendance, keep the same days each week.
My child seems settled but rarely speaks at school. Is something wrong?
Not necessarily. Children learning new languages often go through a quiet phase in which they listen and watch a great deal before speaking. A child can be emotionally settled long before they speak much. Ask the teachers how your child communicates, for example by pointing or joining routines, and raise it with them if it continues for many months.
Can a long holiday undo settling in?
It can cause a short setback, especially after a break of a week or more. Most children re-settle within a few days. Talking about the return a day or two before, keeping bedtimes regular near the end of the holiday and returning on a normal routine day all help the restart go smoothly.