When more than one household or carer is involved in a young child's school life, the arrangement that works best is simple: the school holds an accurate, written list of who may receive information and who may collect the child, each adult who needs updates has their own access where the school allows it, and the family agrees who acts on what. Most lost messages come not from the school but from the gaps between adults.
International families in Ho Chi Minh City often share care in ways that make this harder than usual. One parent may travel for work for weeks at a time, a nanny may do drop-off and pick-up, grandparents may visit for a few months a year, and some children divide their week between two homes after a separation. This guide covers how to set up contacts and permissions with the school, how to share app access sensibly, how to hand over information between carers, and what the school can and cannot do when parents disagree.
Why information goes missing
Schools usually send information to the contact on their file, most often the parent who handled enrolment. That parent then becomes, without anyone deciding it, the family's information hub. If that parent is travelling, busy or not the one doing pick-up, notices about costume days, illness in the class or a change to the timetable may never reach the adult who needs them.
Nannies and grandparents face a different problem. They see the teacher every day at the gate, and teachers naturally share small news with them: she did not eat much, he was a bit warm after nap, please bring spare clothes tomorrow. Those comments may be given in Vietnamese to a carer who passes them on partly, or not at all, to parents who speak another language.
In separated families, the risks are sharper. One parent may assume the other has told the school about a medical appointment, or both may have told it different things. Teachers then face conflicting instructions with no way of knowing which to follow. In each case, the fix is the same: decide, explicitly and in writing, how information should flow, and tell the school.
Setting up contacts and permissions with the school
Do this at enrolment and review it whenever your arrangements change. The exact forms depend on the school, but the information it needs is much the same everywhere.
- Give the school the names, relationship to the child and contact details of both parents, even if only one handles most communication.
- List every adult authorised to collect your child, with a photo or identity details if the school asks, and explain any arrangement such as a nanny who collects on weekdays only.
- Tell the school who should be called first if your child is unwell or there is an emergency, and in which language each contact is comfortable.
- If anyone must not collect your child or receive information, tell the campus manager in person and provide any court order or legal document that applies.
- Ask how the school records these details, who on the staff can see them and how substitute teachers are informed.
- Update the school in writing whenever anything changes, for example a new nanny, a grandparent's visit or a change of phone number, and ask for confirmation that records have been updated.
Collection rules are a safety matter as much as a communication one. Many preschools will not release a child to someone who is not on the list, even a relative, without confirmation from a parent, which is exactly as it should be. Make sure carers know this, so that a grandmother arriving unexpectedly is not distressed by a polite refusal.
Who should get which information
Not every adult needs every message. Matching access to role reduces overload and keeps sensitive matters with the right people.
| Carer | Usually needs | Usually does not need |
|---|---|---|
| Both parents | Everything: daily reports, health notes, announcements, progress meetings, fees | Nothing excluded, unless a court order says otherwise |
| Nanny or regular helper | Pick-up and drop-off arrangements, daily care notes, what to bring, illness in the class | Fees, contracts, progress assessments, family matters |
| Grandparent visiting for a few months | Photos, events, daily routine, collection arrangements while they are helping | Administrative and financial messages |
| Relatives abroad | Occasional photos, shared by the parents | Direct access to school systems |
| Driver or occasional helper | Collection times and the procedure at the gate | Anything else |
Whether this can be reflected in the school's systems depends on how its parent app handles accounts. Where several accounts are not possible, parents can still follow the same principle by forwarding selectively.
Whatever the setup, review it when circumstances change. A nanny who leaves should lose access to school systems on her last day, and a grandparent who has gone home after a long visit no longer needs to be on the collection list. Leaving old contacts in place is a common, avoidable risk, and schools rarely notice it unless parents tell them.
Handovers between carers that actually work
One written channel for the household. Agree on a single place where all the adults involved in care share school information, such as a family group chat or a shared note. Teachers' comments at the gate, announcements and anything a parent learns from the app all go there. The point is not technology but habit: one place to look.
Ask the nanny to note, not remember. A carer who hears something at pick-up can type a line straight away: "Teacher said she had a small temperature after nap, now fine." Memory fades by evening, especially when the comment was given in a language one adult translates for another.
Make the questions two-way. Carers often have insights that parents do not, because they see the teacher daily. Encourage them to ask, as well as listen: "Did she eat?" "Was he upset this morning?" Give them a few sentences in Vietnamese if needed.
Keep one adult responsible for actions. Someone needs to own the tasks that come from school, such as returning a form, paying a fee or preparing a costume. Rotating that role without saying so is how deadlines get missed.
Close the loop with the teacher. If a carer passes on a message from the school, a parent can confirm it directly in the app now and then. Teachers appreciate knowing that parents have received what they said at the gate.
Language: turning a Vietnamese-speaking carer into an asset
In many international families, the nanny or helper speaks Vietnamese while the parents speak little or none. This can feel like a barrier between parents and school, but it can also be one of the family's best resources. A carer who talks with teachers every day in their shared language often hears more, and more nuance, than a parent communicating through a translation app.
The key is to make that knowledge flow back to the parents reliably. Agree that the carer will pass on anything a teacher says about health, eating, sleep, injuries or behaviour, even if it sounds minor, and that she will ask the teacher to repeat or write down anything she is unsure of. Some families ask carers to record a short voice note in Vietnamese after pick-up and then run it through a translation tool, or have it explained at home, which preserves more detail than a summary from memory.
The flow also runs the other way. If parents want to raise something with the teacher, the carer can help, but important matters, such as medicine, allergies, collection changes or a concern about care, should still come from a parent directly, in writing, so that the school has a clear instruction from the person responsible. The carer bridges the language; the parent remains the decision maker.
When a parent travels for long periods
In many expatriate families, one parent's job involves frequent travel or a rotation that takes them away for weeks. Young children notice these absences, and teachers can support a child much better if they know about them. A short message to the homeroom teacher, such as "Her father is travelling for three weeks from Monday", lets staff interpret clinginess, tears at drop-off or changes in sleep that might otherwise puzzle them.
The travelling parent can stay involved in school life too, often more than they expect. Reading daily reports and looking at photos lets them ask the child about specific things on video calls, which tends to produce better conversations than "How was school?". If the school allows it, the travelling parent can join a parent meeting by video. If not, the parent at home can share notes and ask the questions both parents agreed on beforehand.
Plan, too, for the practical side. If the parent who usually handles school communication is the one travelling, make sure the other parent has access to the app, knows which messages are pending and has the contacts they need. Long absences are when collection arrangements change most, so check that the school's list of authorised adults reflects who will be at the gate.
A one-minute handover at the gate
Most information in a preschool changes hands in the few moments at drop-off and pick-up. A light routine helps whichever adult is at the gate get what matters in that minute.
- At drop-off, give one fact. "She slept badly" or "He has a cough, no fever" is enough. Teachers can plan the morning around it.
- Mention anything unusual about collection. A different adult, a different time or a planned early pick-up should be said aloud as well as written, so the teacher hears it from the person standing in front of her.
- At pick-up, ask one question. "How did she eat?" or "Anything I should know?" invites the teacher to share what she has been meaning to say.
- Check the bag before leaving. Notes, wet clothes or forms sometimes travel home in the backpack rather than through the app.
- Pass it on within the hour. Whatever the adult at the gate learned goes into the household channel before the evening rush.
When different adults do drop-off and pick-up on the same day, this routine is the thread that connects them. The morning carer's "slept badly" and the afternoon carer's "teacher said she was tired" make sense together only if both reach the same place.
Separated parents: what a school can and cannot do
Schools generally aim to treat both parents equally unless they are given a legal reason not to, and many are happy to send information to both, hold meetings with each or include both in a single meeting. What they cannot do is decide disputes between parents. If one parent asks the school to withhold information or prevent the other from collecting the child, the school will usually ask for a court order or other legal document, because without one it has no basis for treating one parent differently from the other.
For international families, custody arrangements may come from courts in other countries, which adds complexity. A school in Vietnam may not be able to interpret a foreign order on its own, and it may ask for a translation or advice. If your situation involves such an order, discuss it with a lawyer and with the campus manager well before an issue arises, not on the day of a disputed pick-up.
Day to day, separated parents can make the school's job much easier by agreeing on the basics: who is the first contact on which days, how decisions about the child's care at school are made, and how each parent will hear about meetings and events. Teachers want to support the child, and they find it far easier to do so when they are not asked to carry messages between adults or to choose sides. Children, too, benefit when school is one place where the adults in their life work together.
Câu hỏi thường gặp
Can the nanny receive messages from the preschool directly?
That depends on the school's systems and policy. Some allow additional accounts for carers, others communicate only with parents. If the school allows it, give the nanny access to practical information such as daily notes and collection arrangements. If not, set up a household channel so parents forward what the nanny needs to know.
Will the school release my child to a grandparent who is visiting?
Usually only if the grandparent is on the list of authorised adults, and the school may ask for identification the first time. Add visiting relatives to the list in writing before they start collecting, and introduce them to the teacher in person if you can, so the first pick-up goes smoothly.
How do I make sure both separated parents receive school notices?
Ask the school to record both parents as contacts and to send notices to both. If the parent app allows two accounts, set one up for each parent. Agree between you how events and meetings will be shared, and keep the school updated if contact details change.
Should I tell the teacher about family changes such as a separation?
It helps to tell the homeroom teacher briefly, without detail, that the family situation has changed and how arrangements will work. Teachers can then support your child through what may be a difficult period and avoid saying something unhelpful by accident. Share more only if you are comfortable.
What if a carer and a parent give the school different instructions?
The school will generally follow the parent's instruction and may contact the parent to confirm. To avoid confusion, make clear to both the carer and the school which instructions carers may give, such as daily care matters, and which must come from a parent, such as medicine or collection changes.
Can a parent who lives abroad join parent meetings?
Many schools allow a parent abroad to join a meeting by video call, although this depends on the school and the type of meeting. Ask in advance, agree a time that works across time zones, and send any questions beforehand so the call stays short and focused.