Grandparents who speak your home language can be one of the strongest supports for that language in a child growing up in Saigon. They give the child a second speaker, a real reason to use the language and an emotional bond tied to it. Short, regular, interactive video calls help, especially from about two years old, and research suggests toddlers can learn from live video chat when the adult responds to them. Longer visits, in either direction, often bring the biggest gains.
For many expat and mixed-nationality families in Ho Chi Minh City, grandparents live many hours away by plane and several time zones away by clock. This guide explains why grandparents matter for multilingual children, summarises research on video chat with toddlers, offers call ideas by age, deals with time zones and routines, and suggests how to plan visits so they boost the home language. It also covers what to do when grandparents' expectations about language clash with the family's plans.
Why grandparents matter for a home language
In many expat families the home language has only one regular speaker in Saigon: one parent. A language spoken by one person tends to feel like a private channel rather than a living language. Grandparents change that. They show the child that other people, people who love them, use the language too. That makes the language part of the child's family identity, not just a parent's habit.
Grandparents also often create a real need. Many speak little or no English and no Vietnamese, so a child who wants to talk to them, show them a drawing or tell them about a birthday must use the home language. This is exactly the kind of situation that research on passive bilingualism suggests children need: a meaningful relationship in which the minority language is the only option that works.
Finally, grandparents bring language the parent may not use: songs from their own childhood, stories, expressions and family history. A child who hears a grandmother tell the story of a parent's own childhood in the home language gets a sense of continuity that is hard to provide in any other way. These bonds help explain why many families find that a child's home language improves noticeably after a long stay with grandparents.
Grandparents also tend to have something busy parents in Saigon lack: time and patience for slow conversation. A grandmother who is happy to hear the same story about a toy dinosaur five times, and to ask questions about it each time, gives a young child exactly the kind of relaxed, repeated practice that builds confidence in a weaker language.
What research says about video chat
Research on screens and young children often treats all screens alike, but video chat is different from watching recorded videos. A 2014 study by Sarah Roseberry, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek and Roberta Golinkoff found that children aged 24 to 30 months learned new verbs from a live adult over video chat, as well as from a live adult in the room, but not from a pre-recorded video of the same adult. The key factor seemed to be responsiveness: the adult on video reacted to what the child said and did.
Another study, published in 2017 by Lauren Myers and colleagues, found that toddlers aged 12 to 25 months who had video chats with a responsive adult over a week recognised that person afterwards, and that the older toddlers in the study showed some learning of the new words and patterns they had been shown, while toddlers who watched a pre-recorded version did not show the same results. The studies were small, but they point in the same direction.
The American Academy of Pediatrics, in its 2016 policy on media and young children, recommended avoiding digital media for children under 18 months, except for video chatting. This reflects the view that live, two-way video calls are more like conversation than screen time. For grandparents and home languages, the message is encouraging: calls are worth making, especially when the grandparent engages actively with the child rather than simply watching.
Making calls work at different ages
Young children's attention spans are short, so the shape of a call matters more than its length. The table suggests approaches by age. These are rough guides; follow your child's lead.
| Age | What tends to work | Typical length | Tips for grandparents |
|---|---|---|---|
| Under 18 months | Songs, peekaboo, waving, showing a toy | A few minutes | Keep the face close to the camera, use the child's name, respond to sounds |
| 18 months to 3 years | Showing objects, simple questions, songs with actions | Five to ten minutes | Ask questions with a choice, repeat words, react with warmth |
| 3 to 4 years | Show and tell, reading a picture book together, simple games | Ten to fifteen minutes | Use the same book at both ends if possible, ask the child to retell |
| 4 to 6 years | Stories about their day, drawing together, cooking, pretend play | Fifteen to twenty minutes | Follow the child's interests, tell family stories, plan activities for the next call |
A short, lively call several times a week often does more for language and connection than one long, tiring call on Sundays. If a child wanders away, it is fine to end the call and try again another day. Forcing a reluctant child to stay on screen tends to make calls feel like an obligation.
Sound and position matter more than many families expect. A quiet room, a device propped at the child's eye level and a grandparent who sits close to the camera make it much easier for a toddler to follow speech in a weaker language. Background noise from a television or traffic outside a Saigon window can make a call in the home language far harder to understand than one in the language the child hears all day.
Call ideas that give a child a reason to talk
Calls work best when there is something to do together, not just questions about the day. Ideas like these give the child something to say in the home language:
- Show and tell: the child shows a toy, drawing or something from preschool, and the grandparent asks questions about it.
- Shared books: grandparents read a picture book the family also has, so the child can follow on their own copy.
- Cooking together: grandparent and child each prepare a simple snack and compare.
- Songs and rhymes from the grandparent's childhood, with actions the child can copy.
- A house tour: the child shows the grandparent around the Saigon apartment or garden, naming things in the home language.
- Guessing games: the grandparent hides something and gives clues, or the child describes something for the grandparent to guess.
- Planning a visit: talking about what they will do together when they next meet.
Parents can help by preparing the child just before a call, perhaps by choosing something to show, and by sitting nearby to help with words without taking over. If the child switches to English or Vietnamese, the grandparent can respond warmly in the home language, repeating the idea in their own words.
Time zones and Saigon routines
Vietnam is on Indochina Time, seven hours ahead of Coordinated Universal Time, and does not use daylight saving time. That means the gap to grandparents changes over the year if they live in a country that does. Central Europe is six hours behind Saigon in winter and five in summer. The east coast of the United States is twelve hours behind in winter and eleven in summer. Korea and Japan are two hours ahead all year.
In practice, this shapes when calls are possible. For grandparents in Europe, a Saigon evening, after dinner and before bed, is often their early afternoon, which can work well. For grandparents in North America, the best overlap is often a Saigon morning before preschool, which is their evening, or weekend mornings. For grandparents in Korea or Japan, the small gap means calls fit easily into evenings on both sides.
Families with young children often find that a fixed slot works best. A call every Tuesday and Friday at the same time becomes part of the routine, which helps both the child and the grandparents. Avoid times when the child is tired or hungry, typically just before naps or meals, and avoid squeezing calls into the rushed morning departure for preschool if they cause stress. On weekends, slower mornings can offer longer, calmer calls.
Planning visits that boost the language
Visits in either direction often bring the largest gains in a home language. A few preparations help make the most of them.
- Before the visit, talk to grandparents about the family's language plans, and ask them to speak the home language with the child as much as possible, even if they know some English.
- Plan some time for the child to be with grandparents without the parent who speaks English or Vietnamese nearby, such as an afternoon outing or a sleepover.
- Encourage grandparents to do everyday activities with the child, such as cooking, shopping and playing, which bring natural language.
- If you visit the grandparents' country, look for chances for your child to play with children who speak the home language, such as cousins, neighbours or a local playgroup.
- After the visit, keep up some of the new routines, songs or games, and continue regular video calls to maintain the gains.
- Talk with your child about the visit afterwards, looking at photos and recalling what you did, in the home language.
Children often return from a long visit speaking much more of the home language, then slowly slide back as school routines resume in Saigon. Planning for that slide, by keeping a few strong routines going, helps hold on to what was gained.
When grandparents' expectations differ
Worries about too many languages. Some grandparents fear that three languages will confuse the child. Sharing simple information about research and showing them how well the child understands can ease these worries.
Correcting and testing. Grandparents may correct the child's grammar or ask them to say words to show off. Gently explaining that recasting, repeating correctly and moving on works better than correction can help everyone.
Switching to English. Grandparents who speak some English may switch to it to make the child comfortable. Explain that the child benefits most when grandparents stay in the home language, even if the child replies in English at first.
Disappointment when the child answers in another language. It can be painful for a grandparent when a grandchild does not reply in the family language. Reassure them that understanding is a strong foundation and that their regular contact is exactly what helps the child start speaking.
Grandparents on both sides. In mixed-nationality families, two sets of grandparents may each want the child to speak their language. Fair, regular contact with both, and explaining that each language has its own place in the child's life, helps avoid a sense of competition between the two sides.
Different cultural expectations. Grandparents may have their own ideas about how children should behave or speak to elders. Discussing these gently, and seeing them as part of passing on culture, can turn a potential conflict into something the child benefits from.
Câu hỏi thường gặp
Do video calls count as screen time for toddlers?
The American Academy of Pediatrics, in its 2016 guidance, recommended avoiding digital media for children under 18 months except for video chatting, because live calls involve two-way interaction. Research suggests toddlers can learn from responsive adults on video, so regular calls with grandparents can be treated as conversation rather than ordinary screen time.
How often should we call the grandparents?
There is no fixed rule, but short, regular calls several times a week tend to work better for young children than one long call. A fixed schedule helps both sides make calls part of their routine. Adjust the frequency to your child's interest and your family's time zones.
What if our child gets bored or runs away during calls?
This is normal for young children. Keep calls short, give the child something to do, such as showing a toy or singing a song, and end the call before it becomes a struggle. Over time, as the child gets older, calls can become longer and more structured.
Should grandparents speak English to make our child comfortable?
It usually helps the home language more if grandparents keep speaking it, even if the child answers in English or Vietnamese at first. Grandparents can show understanding, repeat the idea in the home language and keep the conversation going warmly. Switching to English removes the child's reason to use the home language.
Is it worth sending our child to stay with grandparents for a few weeks?
Many families find that a stay with grandparents, especially without English-speaking adults around, gives a strong boost to the home language. Whether it is right for your child depends on their age, temperament and comfort with the grandparents. Planning follow-up routines afterwards helps keep the gains.
What if the grandparents speak a different language from the parent?
Some children have grandparents who speak a regional language or dialect different from the parent's language. This can add another layer of language and culture. Encourage grandparents to use the language they are most comfortable with, and help the child understand that families can have several ways of speaking.